I heard we made out
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize
