do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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