just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
