i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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