Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
