The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
