Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
