I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We talked him into tasing himself.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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