That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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