im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
