Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
