Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
