i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
