he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
