hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
