Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
