could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
