apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
