On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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