this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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