dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
ugly people sure do ruin things
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
