LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
