Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
