When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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