im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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