Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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