dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
and she was petting her beer can
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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