He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
