Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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