I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
