so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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