I'm so fucking centered right now
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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