yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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