pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
