somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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