We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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