Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
