I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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