Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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