Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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