he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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