Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
