I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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