Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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