So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
