I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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