i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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