Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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