We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
