just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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