the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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