i think i have herpe
just one?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
