a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
