i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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