lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
