It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
